i really really felt for this OP and wish her the best. it’s hard to see an upside when you don’t think you’re succeeding in any part of your life – “relationship” w J, job you hate, self doubt on your novel, etc. i’m happy r29 included this diary though as it’s a very realistic and less-displayed financial and lifestyle norm for people in the city compared to the influx of diarists who make 6 figures and live in lavish apartments, etc. that being said, as someone who was making 6 figures living alone in the city as a 30 year old, i do feel badly that OP views herself as poor and realizes she wouldn’t be able to live alone, despite really wanting to. i haven’t had roommates since i was 25, but remember the awkwardness of living with strangers and not feeling like you’re truly at your own place when you get home at the end of the day. hopefully one of the new job opportunities ends up lining up so she can get a bit of a pay bump and make the dream of living alone a reality!